Overthinking It: League of Legends – Sensible Male Champions? Part 1

Female champs here.

Male champs part 2 here.

So here I am again, analysing a game I know next to nothing about. If it weren’t for the completionist in me, I probably would have left the game alone after the last post. (107 Champions total, oh gods why?)

Not fancy, but it'll have to do.

Now, after the 35 female champions I had a look at, I found there were another 72 male ones, which was a bit much for a single post. So I’ve done my best in dividing them into two categories for two posts. The first category was for more or less People. So I took humans and yordles. The second category I just dubbed Other, since there were little shared characteristics between them. To make the category sizes a bit more even, I moved guys like Brand and Viktor to the Other category since some quick reading made it seem like they more looked like men than they actually were.

Again the main thing I’m looking for is whether these characters are sensibly dressed in regards to what profession and role they have, and putting them in Pro, Neutral or Con. Whether the clothing/armour is appropriate, and how well it’s likely to hold up in such intense combat situations, and so on. I haven’t read more of the descriptions than I felt I had to, so this should remain an outsider’s perspective.

Edit: Moved Ezreal up to Pro because reasons.

Edit II: Made it so all the small images link to larger versions.

Edit III: Added the champion Lucian.

All artwork below accredited to Riot Games.

PRO

Corki

Red baron? Bah! He never had such a fabulous moustache! I had to look up several angles for this one, and even check out an in-game screenshot to make sure he indeed used the fighter in combat. Immediately he scores points for having great intimidation factor on his craft, and he seems to be dressed as I expect a fighter pilot from an era of early flight to be. There is some worry whether his scarf might end up tangled in those rotors, but in the end I feel pretty safe in this aeronautical Pro.

Ezreal

Kawaii! ^_^ I honestly thought this was a girl when I was just looking through the thumbnails, and was a bit surprised when I actually opened the link to look at “her”. Very clearly here for the sex appeal with his pretty-boy face, fancy hair, numerous belts and ripped clothes. Who told the developers that belts were sexy anyway? I was a bit too harsh the first time around, seeing as this is a ranged character, and the talk about “being there for the sex appeal” was largely facetious. I’ll upgrade him to a cute Pro, and leave it at that.

Garen

Spoiler: This is not Batman. While I am a little puzzled at why the right hand is not gloved when the left one is, it overall seems like a well-designed attire which does not leave much exposed skin or obvious weaknesses for people to go after. Topped off with some magnificently practical boots, this is our first knightly Pro.

Graves

This gun is as big as me! This guy just oozes style, and has a very good outfit for a marksman. While the cape has little camouflage value, it still works to keep out the rain. There’s a handy pouch, he has calf guards for prone firing and the glove seems like it’s meant to maintain grip and hold his hand safe even if the rifle should run hot. I’d call this one a well aimed Pro.

Heimerdinger

I just invented a way to extract all of a person's bodily moisture through their nose! Now this guy seems like he’d have a tool for every occasion. While maybe not a practical combat outfit (though as long he stays away from close combat, it should be alright), I can’t deny it’s amazing mad scientist attire. The goggles likely have at least a dozen useful settings, and combined with whatever contraptions he can drag along, I felt like that deserved a scientific Pro. Plus that hair seems like it could stop bullets.

Jarvan IV

I am the rightful king! While perhaps a bit pompous, I can’t really find anything especially wrong with this armour. Okay, the shoulder plates are a tad silly, but otherwise it seems to offer well-balanced protection. There’s even a helmet. Apparently this guy is a king or prince or some such, so I’ll give him a royal Pro.

Jayce

Want a close-up look of my hammer? My initial reaction was to put him in Neutral, as I thought the outfit was too lightly armoured for a hammer-wielder, but I tried to set my bias apart. His forward arm is well-covered, and the chest-plate looks reasonably solid. So while I have some questions about balance, I can understand the appeal of wanting more agility while swinging that warhammer around. So I’ll consider him a smashing Pro.

Kennen

What's that on your face? Oh, it's the star I just threw. The tiniest ninja! I wonder if the ears are just cosmetic, or if some Yordles actually do have ears like that? While I have no idea where he kept that throwing star, I guess that’s part of being a ninja. The outfit is well suited for blending with the shadows (purple can be a shadowy colour), so I’m giving him a chakratic Pro. (That’s probably not a real word.)

Lucian

Come get some! I can’t find a flaw in this. At a stretch I could say the long hair, and long, flowing robe might be too easy to grab for the hordes of undead he’s tasked with fighting, but honestly? They’re very minor compared to whole picture. He has a well-covering suit, the material looks tough enough, he’s even made sure to cover his neck, I assume in case of vampires. There’s just next to nothing in the way of obvious weak points. I am thoroughly impressed. Gun-toting Pro, for sure.

Malzahar

Crackling! While his upper arms seem unnecessarily exposed, it doesn’t really matter that much for a mage. And he certainly looks magical, so a touch of sex appeal is accepted. While the lack of proper pointy boots is disappointing, I do quite like the outfit as a whole, and I approve of his decision to carry a dagger just in case. So he gets an enchanting Pro.

Rumble

All the fuzz! While that fur definitely looks like a fire hazard, I’d say his outfit gets a pass a mech pilot suit. There’s something undefined about him that I don’t really like, so I wanted to put him in Neutral, but upon reflection his gear is quite alright. I guess he’s a mechanised Pro. Oh, and his hair looks decidedly fishy.

Swain

Here birdy, birdy! This actually seems overly sensible for a mage outfit, but considering those monstrous bird thingies I can understand wanting to have thick shoulders for them to sit on. Assuming that curved chest-plate is actually metal, he seems well protected against projectile attacks as well. Yeah, this a solid and smoky Pro.

Taric

I'm so blue, you guys. Now that’s a solid shield if I ever saw one. This guy must be immensely strong, and I really can’t deny that it’s excellent covering. Very few flat surfaces, so even though it looks solid, it’s also crafted to deflect as much as it stops. And that hammer looks like it hurts! A very impressive crystalline Pro.

Twisted Fate

Do you feel lucky, punk? So this is Gambit with a sweet hat and a spiffy beard? I can live with that. For someone that moves quick and stays at range, this outfit works. Also, trenchcoats are cool. I’ll dub this a gambling Pro.

Veigar

With this I will rule the world! Look at this silly hat, and silly gloves, and silly robe and silly boots. I adore this little guy. He looks like a perfect little megalomaniac. He is so over-the-top and awesome, there is absolutely no choice but to brand him a spiky Pro. I might be in love.

Zed

I'll marry that Rita Repulsa, and we'll rule the universe! The outfit is good, but I’m fairly certain this is not a good ninja. If he is an excellent ninja, he might pull it off, but that shiny gear looks like it’d be more of a hindrance than a help during stealth. But since he’d be hard to miss anyway when he grows to giant size to fight the Megazord, he might have more need of the protection. A morphin’ Pro.

Ziggs

Kekekekekekeke! I guess this answers my previous question regarding Kennen. So. Here we have a mad bomber cat? Okay then. Outfit is good, with sensible goggles and a well-covering outfit that I assume is fire-retardant. I kinda have to believe that, for my own sanity. I bet he’s used to the smell of singed fur, though. I guess I can call him a nyan Pro?

NEUTRAL

Darius

Touchdown. Initial impressions were good, but then I noticed the exposed skin on the arms, which seems like a glaring weak spot. You’d think he was some sort of videogame boss. Though the rest of the armour looks good, I feel such an obvious target on a melee fighter makes him just a stomping Neutral.

Draven

I eat shit. I have a confession to make. I hate his smug face. The outfit is indeed silly and kinda impractical, but usually I am a little more forgiving for ranged characters. Not for this one though. Had he been melee, I’d have put him in Con. As it is I call him an aggravating Neutral. I hope someone shoots an arrow into his cleavage.

Gangplank

Get off mah ship! Miss Fortune definitely had the sweeter hat. You’d think a pirate captain swimming in gold would have his clothes in better shape though. At least they’re sensible ship clothes, except that coat might get a bit heavy if waterlogged. I’m sure he’s accounted for it though, and at least he’s not wearing high heels, so I’ll give him a maritime Neutral.

Master Yi

I hope I have enough eyes. First thing I paused at was that headgear. I don’t even… wha… what is the point? Looks like all of them are actually above his eyes, if he has normal human eyes under there. Otherwise though, the outfit looked quite alright, and looked like it fit an agile swordsman until I saw the boots. Each of them probably weigh as much as everything else he’s wearing together. So yeah, a heavy-footed Neutral.

Nunu

Get em, Whiskers! Is… is this the Santa Claus of the LoL-verse? Or one of Santa’s helpers? Even though the Yeti looks quite frightening, I feel like I can’t take Nunu himself especially seriously. So while there’s nothing especially wrong about him, I crown him a festive Neutral.

Pantheon

Evil eyes! I am certain gladiatorial combatants are quite fearsome, but the fact remains that the dude has lots of exposed skin. Driving a sword or spear up into his armpit would basically take care of him. He scores points for the chest-plate, helmet and shield though, which is enough to take him up to a bronze Neutral.

Singed

I hate dogs. So this guy is apparently human, just chemically altered. I felt it was close enough to leave him on the list. The armour is not great, but he does have a huge shield, and apparently his skin is really hard. I still wouldn’t wager too much on it withstanding excessive blunt trauma, and he is very exposed, but I figured he’s good enough to warrant a bony Neutral.

Talon

I'll stab you fabulously! The armour isn’t the worst, and actually quite good in places, and he’s not meant for brawling anyway. The description lists him as Assassin. Somehow, with that cloak, I don’t entirely buy it. I guess I’ll give him an elegant Neutral.

Teemo

Hi there! Did you order some murder? I can certainly see the resemblance to Totalbiscuit’s chinchilla. While he does look proper outdoors-y, there’s a bit much exposed… erm… fur creating obvious targets even for a ranged character. I do like the design of him, even if it doesn’t seem entirely sensible, but I feel comfortable in giving him an explorer Neutral.

Udyr

Gruff. Clearly thrown in for his sex appeal for those who both like buff dudes and bestiality. Joking aside, his attire is alright, but not great. Those japanese-style wooden slippers don’t quite seem like they fit with his role, and he really has no armour to speak of. I’ll give him a roaring Neutral. Of interesting note: Udyr means beast/monster in Norwegian.

Vladimir

You can't step to this. A ponce if I ever saw one. As a mage his clothes are fair enough, but those claws seem overly daft. If he gets close enough to use them, he’d be swatted. Kinda hoping for that. Seems like he’s meant to appeal to those who enjoy the pretty arseholes. I mainly want to cave his skull in with a warhammer, but his clothes are decent enough that he gets a smug Neutral.

Xin Shao

Young master, I will save you! Another one who isn’t really bad, but isn’t exactly good either. The exposed forearms especially seem like an obvious weak spot. Now… does his spear have a flag on it, or is he wielding a flag pole? He gets a bannerman Neutral.

Zilean

Do you like my beard? Not really a bad mage robe in and of itself, but that clock on his back looks very unwieldy and impractical, so I’ll give him a ticking Neutral. I do like that you can turn him upside down, and he still looks like he has a beard.

CON

Gragas

Buy me a drink! I get that probably no clothes fit him any longer, but he looks so open to any form of sharp weaponry, and like he’d vomit violently if anyone smashed something blunt and heavy into his stomach. No choice but to crown him a drunken Con.

Lee Sin

*Karate Kid Music* I get that this is pretty standard monk gear in fiction, but when I don’t tolerate showing skin only for sex appeal for the women, I can’t turn around and say it’s a-okay for the men now, can I? He’s seriously ripped though, I’ll give him that. Definitely a soaked Con.

Olaf

You want to help me keep warm, right? Le sigh. What did I just say? Again, pretty standard berserker gear, and he does have a helmet, but he’s still showing a lot of skin in a blizzard. Not quite as bad as Sejuani, but still a frozen Con.

Ryze

Chicks love the purple. Is that a giant map on his back? Or is it supposed to be a magic scroll? At least it seems that Riot Games are not afraid to give some eye candy to those who like guys as well, even if it’s not as much as for those who like women. So I suppose that’s kinda positive? In a way? Still not sensible though, so this one is a rolled-up Con.

Shen

Armour no jutsu. Okay. Looks like a ninja. With silly armour bits stuck on. According to the description he’s apparently a tank. Uh-huh… Too many obvious weak spots and exposed skin, if you ask me. Sorry dude, but you’re getting a masked Con.

Tryndamere

Slice and dice! Another poorly dressed dude in a blizzard. Fantastic. Yet they gave him a fictional viking helmet. This drawing is extra unfortunate, as it looks like he’s exposing the unarmoured shoulder to his opponent. The whole thing with only one armoured shoulder is kinda meant for one-handed swords anyway. Yeah, no. Another frosty Con.

Varus

Oh god get it off me! He looks like his trousers are slowly consuming him. Must be a terrible fate. Okay, he’s ranged, but he still looks like a giant target for any archer or marksman. And I guess his gloves are eating him too. Combined with the pretty looks, I guess we can call him a delicious Con.

Wukong

Is this the guy from the Journey to the West book that Enslaved was based on? Monkey-man! Close enough, right? Anyways, the problem here is that while armour from waist down, and his gloves, bracers and shoulder plates look okay… there is also nothing at all protecting his chest. Sword, spear, arrow, bullet; they’d all have clear access. Unless he’s also Wonder Woman. I’ll give him a simian Con. Also, his boots are possessed by evil spirits.

That was part one of the look at whether the male champions for League of Legends are any more sensible than the female ones. Numbers so far suggest as much, though the guys also have their offenders. Next time will be everyone I shoved into the Other category.

Feel free to come with any feedback you’d like.

Female champs here.

Male champs part 2 here.

~Wulf

Posted on December 25, 2012, in Games, Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. So many things you didn’t take into account their backstory shows you just looked at the thumbnail Olaf is a berserker getting bloodied makes him mad and therefore stronger Trydamere same thing in theory a ninja wouldn’t get hit so their need for bulky armor is what? How is cloth on ezreal better then the leather on draven. And Pantheon is a Spartan and that is exactly what they wore during battle

  2. well, no. why not to make every champ looks like a giant steel cube, so nobody can really hit ’em? I don’t think that revealing 5 centimeters of arm would kill you immediately. this is fantasy world, isn’t it? it’s not supposed to make sense.

  1. Pingback: Overthinking it: League of Legends – Sensible female champions? « Wulf Space

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