League of Legends – Sensible Champions Lists update 3

I still feel like I’m stuck in rut with regards to writing, so I grasp at inspiration wherever it comes from. So when someone linked a new beta Riot League site to me with fully up-to-date pictures and descriptions for all champions currently in the game, I looked it over and could feel the writing itch tingle in the back of my skull.

Did I already do a 'League of Extraordinary Legends' joke?

As normal, I will update the main lists with the stuff I put in here, and also preserve any old descriptions that are being phased out in this update post.

You can find the full posts here: FemaleMale 1Male 2

All artwork below accredited to Riot Games.

Let’s go over any new portraits first, before moving onto the retcons and then the new characters.

Nunu

Dabadee dabadaa? vs Get em, Whiskers!

Seems like Nunu and his yeti have taken a turn for the blue since the last image. While Nunu himself looks more jovial; lending crendence to my theory that he’s probably Santa, or at least Santa’s little helper; the yeti has gotten glowing eyes, which is rarely a good sign. And that instead of giving all the bad little boys and girls (and monsters) coal for being bad, he gives them a sound thrashing instead, because that’s how the LoL-verse works. And who needs reindeer when you have a yeti?

Okay, onto the retcons/revamps. We have two this time. One I’d call promising, another I’d call disappointing. I’ll start with the latter.

Trundle

I go rawr at you. “But Wulfy” I hear you scream across the internet, “what is disappointing about this badass troll?”. Well, they took a character that used to be Troll-Jesus, and turned him into yet another evil frost troll. Only he’s a king, and he wants to… *goes to read* bring about the frozen apocalypse, I think. The story interweaves with Lissandra’s. I’m amazed they’ve put so much work into the LoL lore, when I’m sure 99% of the players don’t care. And only most of it is nonsense! /obviousbaiting Well, at least he looks more solid than the old Trundle, enough so that I’m willing to upgrade him to a clichéd Neutral.

Old Trundle

Ack, stay away! I think this might be the ugliest champion of them all. And almost nothing covering his body. I read enough to see he has amazing regenerative capabilities, but even so I’ll dub this one a rotting Con.

Sejuani

The iciest stare. This is a significant improvement on the old skin, I’ll give it that much. True, the weapon looks less menacing, she’s forgotten her shield somewhere and the war-piggy looks more silly, but at least she’s clothed in something that both looks like it can keep her warm, and possibly even protected. Not sure why they switched which side her horn is on, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that boob-plate. I’ve seen Riot do female chestplates right on character like Diana, so there’s really no excuse. This might actually be one of the worst offenders, and in any real situation would likely get her killed. See, a chestplate is supposed to deflect blows away from the chest. This one will guide them right to the centre. If someone came at her with a lance, they’d shatter her. So while it is a huge improvement over the bikini in terms of coverage, I can’t in good conscience elevate her higher than a fur-lined Neutral.

Old Sejuani

How much bacon could you get from that boar, do you think? Yes, because warrior women from the frozen north; that wield giant shields and spiked flails, and ride giant tusked boars; clearly wear nothing but knickers and a bra in a blizzard. Just no. Screw you, Riot. I don’t care how frost-resistant she’s supposed to be. One-horned Con. (As an aside, all horned helmets do are give your opponent a handle to grab.)

This seems to be the Freljord update, because the new Champion is Lissandra, another icy person from the frozen north.

Lissandra

Who needs eyes? So this one is titled the  Ice Witch. I’ve been studying the full picture for a while trying to figure out if she’s human or not. Going by the bio, I guess she once was, but now she’s something else? I actually like the outfit. For a Witchy McCasterson those robes fit well, and there’s not like there’s any super-boob-socks going on or any silly openings on display. I can’t actually see her feet because of the ice crystals, but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Those shoulderpads though… if she raises her hands, do they hook on her helmet? I can only assume the helmet is there to help her concentrate on her First Sight*, being a witch and all. I’ll give her an observant Pro.

*Because of the confusion inherent with this term, I will explain it using Terry Pratchett’s definition. People, as a whole, see what they want to see. What they expect to see. That’s how it works for most people, most of the time, and it’s a defensive mechanism to preserve our sanity. For people of the witchy persuasion, this is known as Second Sight. First Sight is seeing what is actually there. Second Sight can be confused by glamours and illusions and just our own brain trying to protect us, but First Sight always gives the full and complete truth of what you are seeing. Even for practised and experienced witches using First Sight is usually quite draining.

And that’s the new stuff for now. Assuming the new page gets updated continuously, I’ll likely look back at it like every month or two.

I do have another small thing planned that unfortunately requires more work than I have time for right now. Since the beta site is a handy repository for full-size images of all the champions, I want to link all my smaller images to their full-size counterpart over there, so that when people click on them, they get a proper one.

Until next time!

~Wulf

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Posted on May 16, 2013, in Games, Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. “First Sight”

    In Dungeons & Dragons terms, that’s /true seeing/. http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/trueSeeing.htm

    In Adventure Time terms, that’s /WIZARD EYES/. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnhEdBG1fDI

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