Wulf Space Jam – Match 8: vs Mittledorf Smashers (Human)
It is time to take the field, once again. Probably the Norse field again, knowing our luck. Would it kill them to give us the pirate ship or the burning fields once in a while?
So our fight against the Vampires went pretty well, though it was rather disappointing to not see a single Blood Lust trigger throughout the whole match. Our next opponents are a stinking human team called Mittledorf Smashers. We are not Mittledorfs, but I still don’t appreciate the idea that they want to smash Dorfs. So we’ll attempt to murder them instead. Scoring would be nice, but crushing the humans is the primary objective. Let’s take a look at our smelly opponents.
They have a full roster of 16 players, meaning we’ll have to break a lot of them to exhaust their reserves. Challenge accepted.
A lot of level 3 and level 2 players. Thankfully the Ogre is just level 2, and only has gotten Guard. So Auluff should be a match for him, especially on a Blitz. They do have that Strength 4 Blitzer, which is a concern, and their Thrower has Leader, and Accurate, so preferably we should not let him close to the ball at all. Another of the Blitzers has Dodge and Strip Ball, and the final two have gotten Guard. And a lot of the Linemen have Block, though there’s also one with Kick and one with Wrestle.
Okay, Ogres have Bonehead instead of Really Stupid, which is definitely a better negative skill to have, as it is always a 2+, no modifiers. Otherwise, I don’t see this guy being a huge threat to us, so long as Auluff sticks around. Breaking that AV 9 might be a little tricky, but we might also not have to. He does have Guard, which means he’s a bigger threat than normal, but even that shouldn’t be a huge problem. Just keep him away from our AV 7 Hobgoblins, since Mighty Blow could be bad against them.
Strength 4… and Tackle. Yeah, this could be an issue, even though we don’t have a lot of Dodge. Human Blitzers are generally pretty good players, and I think these guys could cause us some trouble. They’re a lot more mobile than our Dorfs, that’s for sure. Even so, I think we should be able to deal. Hopefully.
I want this guy to die. So much. So, so much. Players with Leader seem to personally offend me. And he has Accurate too, just to make his throws that much more threatening to us. I mean, I will attempt to play safely and soundly, but hopefully you can forgive me if I take risks in the name of maiming. This is their only Thrower as well. They only have one. Not sure if that’s the limit, or not. They have three Catchers, so…
Speaking of, this is their only leveled-up Catcher. Looks surprisingly hardy, but it’s still just a Strength 2 player. Auluff gets an auto-three-dice here. Still better to go after with a Dorf though, since they have Tackle and Block.
And finally the Linemen. None of them above level 2, but maybe they don’t need to be. This Wrestle player is curious… might actually work to our favour, if approached correctly. Mostly though, these guys are cannon fodder. So let’s treat them as such.
Overall, I’m not quite sure what to say here. Humans are the most middle-of-the-road team, I believe. And they’re not as fed as I expected them to be. Which could be a good sign that we will do well here. And yes, I really do hope for some murder in our favour. My only regret as that we still have no level-ups for our Bull Centaurs. Without any further ado, let’s get to it.
– – – MATCH BEGINS! – – –
Their team value is slightly higher than ours, at 1810 vs 1770, but 40 000 gold pieces is not enough to get any sort of inducement. And they don’t transfer anything over either, so on with the show!
Please not be Norse again, please not be Norse again, please not be- SON OF A!
I will admit that as we now play so irregularly I don’t fully remember what the standard formation used to be. I have a vague idea of course, and as always Auluff goes right in the middle facing off against Dozagg the Ogre.
And a disclaimer, I remembered to turn on the dice-log and the grid a wee bit into the game, but I forgot the name tags. I really need to do this more often. I will do my best with what I have, though.
They get the coin toss, but we win, so I pick for us to receive first. I figure that while humans are indeed a well-balanced team, we can probably break through for a touchdown, and then just hold out in the second half.
It’s perfect Blood Bowl weather, so no need to worry about that. I move the Dorfs upwards. The biggest hats, that being Jay-P and Alexander, get to flank Auluff, while Silas and Brutus form the outside of the front line, since they both have Guard, and I have Jar and Darken cover the outsides along with our Bull Centaurs Pink and Clare. Physik and Lovecrafter are my starting Hobgoblins and hang back to be ready to go for the ball.
Their Thrower Gerhart takes the kick, and our Kick-Off Event is…
That’s not exactly ideal, as that means they’re one up on us due that bloody Leader. Still, we should be fine. The ball lands… all the way on the side by Pink. I cross my fingers that it’s going to bounce out so I can just hand it to Physik and run with it. No such luck. Still! Physik can reach that with a single go-for-it, so that only makes it two 2+ rolls to get the ball. Should be fine.
As is our creed, I try to inflict some damage first. Auluff, flatten that Ogre!
All I can really do is Push, and to further prove I didn’t really think this through, Auluff frenzies for a one-die follow-up.
I don’t really have any choice but to re-roll. On a Loner. On Turn 1. Nuffle, why? Nuffle giggles madly to himself as he lets the re-roll happen, and gives me a Both Down. What have I done?
And just like that it’s their turn.
They waste no time moving straight for the ball. Their Strength 4 Blitzer Bertolf Blitzes straight into Darken and knocks him flat. Leaving Pink all alone out there on the side. They gang up on Brutus and Hob pushes him back, then they have the Catcher Helmut make a mad dash for the ball right past Pink. You know what we say about jumping into a tackle zone, don’t you?
Okay, we need to get that ball, and clear out some of these stinking humans. Let’s see what sort of 2-dice blocks we can set up. First up is having Darken get up, as more tackle zones are never a bad thing, and Lovecrafter moves up beside Brutus to assist him in a 2-dice.
Why am I being punished? Two re-rolls in the two first turns of the match? Okay, okay, let’s just do this.
Really? Really. Reeaallllyy? Really… what are even the odds of rolling four 1s? On second thought, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. At least Brutus suffers no injury, but all they really need to do now is knock down Pink and pick up the ball.
They know it all too well, so they move in one to nullify Darken’s assist, and another to give Bertolf 2-dice against Pink. So the Bull Centaur goes down, which lets Helmut get up and jump onto the ball.
I guess Nuffle hasn’t completely abandoned us, he just wants to see me squirm. You can safely call that a success.
Alright, how can we still salvage this? They are very on top of the ball, and I need to get it, and get it out of there. Unfortunately Helmut is still on his feet, and I would rather he wasn’t. So I need to clear a path for a Blitz, somehow.
Brutus gets up, so his Guard allows me to have Lovecrafter knock down Hob, and Darken knock down Baldric. Silas frees up Jay-P, so both him and Alexander move in as close to the ball as they can, though I don’t dare risk any go-for-its. My Blitz plan might well require a re-roll, so no need to entice more risk than we have to.
Pink gets up, and I ask Physik to Blitz, even with a go-for-it. This could end horribly.
A third re-roll on the third turn? Give me strength… no real choice, though. I mean, it’s not like it’s going to give me yet another double Attacker Down, right?
Helmut goes down again, and for some reason I say yes to having Physik follow up. So to get the ball, he not only needs to do another go-for-it, and a pick-up roll, but also a dodge roll to get out of the tackle zone of Bertolf. Even with Agility 4, that is pushing my luck. And yet he pulls it off!
The only thing I have left that I can do now is ask Auluff to try to get up, but I’m so elated that I totally forget to do so. Ah well, without a Blitz he probably wouldn’t have made it anyway. Handing the turn over (for the first time).
They immediately attempt to knock down Alexander, but thanks to a Both Down they need to use two people for it, meaning they can’t reach Pink without a Blitz. Dozagg somehow manages to get up, but doesn’t dare move away from Auluff. They clearly know the danger of a rampaging Minotaur.
Their Blitz is spent on pushing Darken away, and then the Catcher Otto tries to dodge away from Jar to move into position, but as we know, Dorfs have Tackle.
Time for Auluff’s revenge. I move Clare up behind Dozagg in case of another Frenzy mishap, and I ask the Minotaur to Blitz straight up from the ground. He seems only too happy to oblige, and immediately produces a Defender Stumbles.
I was hoping for a knock-out, but a knock-down is acceptable. I should probably leave Auluff there to keep watch, but he is in range to help Lovecrafter get a 2-dice, so…
Gerhart goes down, stunned, and I leave him there. Jar helps Silas knock down Fracist, Jay-P gives Pink the chance to push Bertolf away, and I try to move Physik into as safe a position as I can before I hand the turn over.
Dozagg proves to be too boneheaded to get up, which gives me a slight feeling of safety that is quickly shattered as they quite effortlessly knock down my Dorfs and surround Physik. In fact, it turns out that a certain Seneschal Wulf (BLOOD TRAITOR!) kicks Darken rather hard.
I do honestly consider using the apothecary for this. But in the end there are no stat losses, and it’s definitely not a death, so I decide against it. Considering how this game has gone so far, I wouldn’t put it past Nuffle to give me the Dead die. It will be annoying to be down one Dorf for the next match, but better than being down one permanently.
Well, this is bad. Physik is entirely surrounded, but there is an escape route that doesn’t require more than one dodge roll. Considering how it’s been left open, I’d almost suspect it was deliberate, but I’m honestly not sure the AI is that clever.
While it’s a bit of a gamble in and of itself, I would feel better if there were no tackle zones to dodge away from at all. Luckily the combined efforts of Auluff and Lovecrafter manage to clear the area quite effectively, with two humans down, one of whom I used to push the third one away.
The Dorfs now get up, and I manage to get Jay-P to push Baldric away. I then have Clare charge Lebbel down below her, but the best she gets is Defender Stumbles (am I ever gonna get any SPP on either Bull Centaur?), and the damn Catcher has Dodge. Still, he is now tied up, so I have Silas knock down Fracist so he and Jar can form a half-cage for Physik to move up into before I hand the turn over.
The humans gets up, and they manage to get the Ogre up too, unfortunately. Dozagg moves over to Auluff, which annoys me.
I apparently underestimated the humans’ movement range, because two of the Catchers manage to move right up to Physik, before Lebbel jumps away from Clare and Blitzes straight up into our ball carrier.
Are you kidding me, Nuffle? Physik too? Uuuuggggghhhhhh… no long term effect, which is a blessing, but still… being down my best Hobgoblin is going to suck.
Leo moves up towards the ball, and Bertolf pushes Jay-P back before they end the turn.
What can I even do here? I don’t… do I even know? Do I? Okay, pull yourself together, Wulf. I need to free up people to get up there to stop them from getting the ball.
Pink can’t quite reach, but freeing him up will let him assist Auluff, so I can keep that damn Ogre in check.
Clare moves up to assist, and Brutus knocks down Bertolf to allow Alexander to Blitz straight up to the ball. Lovecrafter moves in as well, which allows Jar to get a good swing at Leo, and finally I ask Silas to perform a 1-die on Fracist.
One re-roll later, Fracist is flat on his back, and I have three Dorfs around the ball. They might be able to break this and pick it up, but it will be a tough fight.
That accursed Ogre gets up again, and so do all the humans. Gerhart manages to knock down Jar, while Helmut takes care of Alexander. Otto jumps onto the ball!
Silas has the ball. Silas. Has. The. Ball. He rolled a 6. Silas Punchreys has the ball. I have two turns left. I could make it, even with a slow Dorf. So I do what any good coach would do, and panic.
Long story short, I forget that there are only two turns left, and I don’t go for it. I think the original plan was to, but it’s hard to remember exactly what was going through my panicking mind at this point. I manage to free up Clare, and have her Blitz into the one Catcher tying up Silas. But instead of moving him as would have been my only shot, I instead try to haphazardly form a cage around him. I push some humans around and then hand the turn over like this:
They immediately capitalise on my mistake, moving players around to knock down Jar, setting up for a Blitz on Silas that succeeds quite perfectly, even bouncing the ball onto that damn Fracist who catches it, just like that. Still, he has already spent his movement, and there’s no way he’s getting down the field in the one turn remaining. They still have the cheek to throw a red 2-dice against Pink though.
Since Pink has no combat skills, it doesn’t matter what I pick. Still, Defender Stumbles is technically the lesser result, so I go for that. I half expect Pink to die, but Nuffle isn’t quite that cruel, and merely leaves him stunned. They knock down Brutus before they end the turn.
I will now always wonder what might have been, but such is the nature of the game. As it seems neither of us can score from this point, I simply try to get some damage done.
Brutus gets back up, and helps Jay-P land a mighty blow on Leo.
I allow myself a small smile, and a short prayer to Nuffle to not let Leo get back up after Half-Time.
Clare is able to stun Helmut, and I have the Dorfs get up. There’s not really much more I can do though. I have Alexander Blitz into Gerhart, because enemy players with Leader are high on my list of most hated things in this game. Unfortunately all I get is a knock-down. I console myself with the fact that there’s no way Fracist can make it to the end zone and hand the turn over, and then I spot:
Oh, fuck me. All they need to do is have Fracist pass to Baldric, and he can simply run it in. Okay, Fracist is a Lineman, and Baldric a Blitzer, but it could still happen. It’s the only chance they have. So I brace myself, cross all fingers, and hope dearly that Nuffle will be merciful.
Fracist dodges free and runs down into our half. He has a free line of sight to Baldric. I wait for the inevitable…
And… it… doesn’t happen? I watch in genuine confusion as Baldric runs up the field to place himself next to Auluff. Probably setting up a 2-dice for Dozagg, who promptly triggers his Bonehead. So a catcher makes his way down there for another assist, and Bertolf attempts to Blitz away from Alexander and Jar.
– – – HALF-TIME! – – –
We are given a good shot of the human cheerleaders while I check up on our damaged players. So we’ll have to play with all remaining Hobgoblins in the second half, eh? At least that means more ball carriers, which hopefully also means more opportunities to snatch the ball away from the humans. We’ll be kicking off, after all.
Leo thankfully doesn’t get up, though they have plenty of reserves.
I have Lovecrafter take Darken’s spot, while Sumanai takes over the kicking from Physik and Bran hangs back behind the line. Otherwise the formation remains the same.
Sumanai takes the kick, and our kick-off event is… Quick Snap! However, the human coach decides to let everyone remain where they are. Even though he could have moved Gerhart into catching position for the ball. Turns out Sumanai is a very accurate kicker.
They pick up the ball right away, and then use their filty Leader re-roll to hit Brutus so hard he gets stunned.
Dozagg pushes back Alexander and moves in on Auluff. They make an attempt at knocking away Jay-P too, but only manage a Both Down, so he remains. Still, they Blitz our Minotaur, and… I’ll just let you see for yourselves.
This is the point where I facepalm in frustration. I really wish I knew what I’d done to offend Nuffle so.
After moving a few more players into position, they seem content to hand the turn over to us.
Well, two can play that game, so I gang up on Dozagg and knock the Ogre flat. No knock-out for us, but I still feel a little better.
I move Sumanai up to the line, and Clare up to the side to help set up a Blitz for Jar. He charges in, but the best he gets is a Pushed. At least he’s in Gerhart’s face now, but I’m still wary of any crazy passing plays. As my final action before I end the turn, I manage to get Jay-P to stun that bastard Bertolf.
As if to confirm my fears, one of their Catchers immediately runs down into our half as far as he gets. And it’s probably not that hard for Gerhart to dodge through… we’ll see.
They knock Jar flat, and Gerhart runs into our half. But even with a clear line, he doesn’t perform a pass. Maybe they’re saving it for next turn? They do work their hardest to knock down as many of our players as they can, but it all ends up in pushes before they hand the turn over.
But even with only Brutus knocked down from his turn 9 stun, we do have most of our players tied up. Pink is free. It seems like it’s going to be his duty to perform the Blitz. But unless I get some back-up down there, it’s going to be a 1-die. Okay, time to see what I can do.
First off is getting Brutus up, and then I look for 2-dice blocks. I am able to find one for Sumanai against Baldric, though even with 2 dice that is a Block for Baldric vs No-Block for Sumanai. Still, I go for it.
Okay, that’s one piece fallen into place. Can we keep it up?
Jay-P pushes back Karl to lend his Guard against Dozagg, and Alexander knocks the Ogre down again! Okay, that’s Lovecrafter and Silas free. Can they get anywhere useful, though? As I ponder that, I plot escape routes with Bran. Having him dodge away seems to be my best option. He’s the only one close enough with an Agility score over 2. So I plot in a route that only has one tackle zone, and still puts him in assist mode.
It goes off smoothly, and I am starting to wonder if Nuffle has taken pity on me. Or maybe he’s simply curious to see where this is going.
Blitz time! Pink charges in full-bore, and… manages to push Gerhart onto the sideline. Well, okay, if he stays there, we can push him out of bounds next turn. This is a dodgy bastard though, so I wouldn’t count on that.
I have Clare push away Otto so Jar can safely get up, then I plot a route for Lovecrafter to get around tackle zones and get over to Pink and Bran with only a go-for-it to worry about, and finally Silas moves into the thick of the central cluster to help tie up the humans before I end the turn.
They start by successfully asking the Ogre to get up, then Otto dodges away and tries to help Hob knock down Brutus, but this time the result is Both Down and our Dorf stands his ground.
Karl attacks Sumanai, but only manages to get a Defender Stumbles against our only player with Dodge, so he’s safe too. It seems they see no other option than to have Gerhart dodge straight between Pink and Bran.
The ball is free, and we have a Hobgoblin right next to it. Is this our chance? I hardly dare look as I ask Bran to pick up the ball, but he rolls an easy 4 and now has the ball. Okay. O. Kay. Deep breaths. No panic. We have the ball. Five turns left. The side is free. We can do this, right?
I immediately start screwing up as I select someone else and start moving them before Bran, thus ending his turn. I think I did that last game, too.
I start setting up a cage with Clare and Jar before I realise my error. Bran is now all alone out on the side-line, really vulnerable to being pushed out of bounds. I use Pink to clear a route for Lovecrafter to get down there and act as a shield. With only one tackle zone dodge to worry about, I fervently hope the odds are on my side.
As flimsy as it is, we do have some protection now. Now to see if we can do anything to make the next turn easier.
Brutus is able to stun Lebbel with a well-placed Both Down, and Sumanai scores a double Defender Stumbles against Hob. Silas also gets a Both Down against Fracist, and then there’s really not much more I can do. End turn.
The humans who can get back up do so, and move in. They attempt to knock down Sumanai and Brutus, but only push them. Bertolf dodges away from Silas and Jay-P, and moves towards Bran. And then Karl activates Blitz and aims straight at Jar.
Jay-P refused to let him go, though, so now it’s our turn.
Straight off Lovecrafter stuns Gerhart, which allows Bran to run up into the relative safety of the prepared half-cage. Pink is free to Blitz up at Otto, but with a Defender Stumbles the man’s Dodge means he is only pushed away. The cage isn’t exactly whole, but with Brutus and Lovecrafter down below, they don’t have any direct route at Bran. Maybe we can pull this off.
To make it even safer, I stun another of their players which frees up Brutus, and I use him to fill out the cage. Apart from throwing a red 2-dice against Dozagg, I am out of moves. And I’m not about to go for red dice yet, so I end the turn.
The humans that can get up do so, and they try immediately to break the cage, wasting their Blitz on a Both Down result against Jar. So they settle on lining up outside the cage in order to break it next turn. The Ogre Boneheads out, and Bertolf runs up to the left side before they hand the turn over.
Okay, I need to move up a little more so I can eventually get Bran in range to sprint for the touchdown. I know they’re just gonna keep piling up in front of us, though. We are slightly bashier, but they are certainly not slouches.
Sumanai pushes in by pushing Lebbel back, and Silas moves up to help be in the way. Then I begin the push upwards by having Brutus Blitz Otto out of the way, and moving Lovecrafter up to form another half-cage. It requires two go-for-its, but at this point I’m happy to take that. I still have re-rolls!
After thinking it over for a moment I use Pink to form a wall that I place Bran behind, just in case the humans are crazy enough to dive into the tackle zones between Lovecrafter and Brutus.
Clare manages to knock down Seneschal, and as my final act I attempt to have Jay-P 1-die Baldric, but all I get is a Pushed. Ah well, let’s end this turn.
They promptly knock down poor Jar and push in on our wall. Silas is thankfully able to stand his ground against a Both Down, but they follow that up with a Blitz that knocks him flat and puts Lebbel right in Bran’s face.
In an outrageous display, Dozagg manages to dodge out of Alexander’s tackle zone. I assume the Dorf was shocked at the Ogre’s audacity, rather than being asleep on the job. We now have an Ogre threatening our victory quite directly.
I check Bran’s range, and he needs one more square to be able to run for it. Time for measures. Pink pushes Lebbel away, which frees up Bran, but if I simply move him up, then Dozagg can straight Blitz him. Not good. Not this close.
So I activate Blitz on Lovecrafter, have him push Karl away, and then move up one square, which gives Bran a half-cage to hide behind one square further up.
I move in everyone who is left free to tie up as many humans as possible, manage to position Clare in a better place by pushing back Gerhart, and then I just end the turn and hope for the best.
Straight away Dozagg pushes Lovecrafter to the side and steps up to Bran. I can feel my hopes breaking.
Silas is knocked down. Jay-P is knocked down. Brutus, down. Jar, down. They close in on Bran. A Blitz happens, but I don’t find out who the target is because the Blitzer is tripped up by Sumanai.
Okay. We haven’t lost yet, but I am honestly not sure what I can do here.
I have the Dorfs get up, and I try to knock down Otto for no real reason. It doesn’t work. Pushed.
Ungh. Okay. Look at this.
As I see it, I have exactly one chance. One. Lovecrafter has to move out of the way, jumping from one tackle zone to another, and Bran has to just run for it. That’s all I can do. My only chance.
First thing’s first, I ask Lovecrafter to move straight above Dozagg. 4+ roll, not so bad, right? 4! Thank you, dear, dear Nuffle. Now there’s just the gauntlet left.
The rolls are, in order, 4+, 4+, 3+, 2+, 2+. I can use one re-roll, but even so I am not sure about this… still, it’s all I have.
Alright… here goes!
4+! 6! Yes! 4+! … 2… I might be sick… r-re-roll… 4! Okay! We’re still in it. 3+! 5! Yes! 2+! 3! I might explode! Final 2+!
I… I… I’m not sure I believe this…
Have to set up the team for another kick-off again. I don’t really care. There’s no way they’re scoring in one turn, or even two, should the kick-off event allow such a thing.
Auluff gets back up, so I put him back on the front line, and just signal I’m done and do the kick-off.
They pick up the ball and knock down a Dorf or two, then for some reason decide that red-dicing Auluff is a good idea.
I make a final half-hearted attempt at scoring some SPP, that ends in Auluff doing a Frenzied Both Down on Dozagg.
– – – END OF MATCH! – – –
I almost can’t be angry at my own mistakes here, because that win was spectacular. The Blood Bowl Committee elects Auluff as MVP for some reason, and while the SPP is nice, I’d say it’s clearly Bran who is the MVP here.
Our winnings this time were 70 000, bringing our total to 210 000.
Fan Factor went up by one, which makes our total 8.
The match rating was a mere 8/20, meaning that whoever decides that is mental. Such a turnabout!
Auluff was elected MVP, and got +5 SPP for a total of 21 SPP.
Bran Aldowyn scored one touchdown, and got +3 SPP for a total of 9 SPP.
No level-ups this time.
I did end up spending 140 000 of our GP on a sixth re-roll, so our treasury total is now 70 000.
I still feel like I should probably play this more often so I don’t forget so much of the basic stuff and do the dumb mistakes. But the fact that these write-ups take six hours or more makes it not that tempting to do regularly.
Our next opponents will be the High Sea Surfriders, an Elf team. I’ve mentioned I hate elves, yeah?
See you next time, though again there will be no promises on when that is.