When the Moon Hits Your Eye
[Sequel to Head in the Clouds]
Friday came so fast. What do I wear? How much do I style myself up? Perfume? Why am I so bad at this?
This hasn’t been a great week academically for me, but I can probably make up for that. More worrying for me is this date with the girl I’m in love with. If I fuck that up, it might be unfixable.
Is it even a date though? It’s not like I’ve confessed my feelings yet. She just thinks we’re going for food as friends like we have before. I mean, she must have noticed how weird I’ve been acting, but she probably hasn’t guessed why. Right?
Argh, focus Cecilie! You have to decide what to wear! A dress? No, that’s probably taking it too far. Yet jeans feels too casual for this. A skirt should be fine, right? It’s still a bit chilly, but I can bear that.
Would this be easier if I was crushing on a guy? No, I don’t see why that would make it easier. Different maybe, but not easier. I’d still be hopeless. It’s not like I haven’t been asked out before, I’ve just had no interest in pursuing a relationship. How did they do it? I can barely remember…
Focus! Okay, top and pantyhose are easy enough. I don’t have that many that go with this skirt, so… this should be fine…
But what if this goes badly? What if she isn’t into women? Or not even into the concept of romance? Or worse, what if she specifically isn’t into me? Argh! It’s too late to worry about that now. If I don’t at least try, I’m going to regret it. And things will be rather awkward for however long it will take me to get over it.
Shoes! High heels are definitely overkill. I’m already taller than her by a bit. If I wear heels, and she wears flats, I’ll be like a head taller. If she wears heels, and I wear flats, we’ll be closer to eye… level…
I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks at the mere thought. Stop it! I have some nice, but not too nice flats. Those’ll do. I know I’m overthinking this…
My hair’s not too damp still, is it? No, it feels fine. What should I do with it? I have no idea if she has any preferences. It’s not like I can just ask “so what sort of hairstyles do you like on girls” without inviting a load of questions in return. I should probably just keep it like I normally do, and make extra sure it’s nice and neat.
And just a light dab of scent. Ah shit, look at the time. I’ll have to hurry on the last preparations. And definitely remember to take phone and wallet.
I made it on time for the subway, and I’m close to the pizza place. Oh gods, I’m so nervous. People can probably hear my heartbeat from metres away. Breathe. Breathe.
I suggested pizza because I know our regular place has some secluded booths in the back. It’s not exactly privacy, but close enough.
Okay, around this corner, and- oh. She’s already here. That’s okay, I thought she might be. She’s dressed a little more casually than me… but she’s still gorgeous.
“Hi, Linda!” I wave as she looks up. “I hope you’ve not been waiting long?”
“Nah, don’t worry about it.” She smiles then pauses for a moment, looking at my outfit I think. Do I look too weird?
“Not often I see you in a skirt,” she comments, and I can feel myself blushing slightly. Hopefully not noticeably so. “Going elsewhere afterwards?”
“Ah, y-yeah, I mean no! I just… felt like…” The words get caught in my throat and I just trail off there. She looks at me for a moment longer, and I desperately wish I knew what she’s thinking.
“Well, it looks good on you,” she says finally. My blush has to be so visible right now.
“T-thanks,” I manage to say as we head inside. Do you even know what you’re doing to my heart?
It’s thankfully not very crowded. I was banking on that with getting here this early. It usually doesn’t start to really fill up until past eight.
“Could you order for us while I find a table?” I’m a little amazed at how steady my voice is. Because this is familiar territory, perhaps.
“Sure. What do you want?”
“Hm… taco pizza!” That was a little more enthusiastic than I intended. “And a large soda.” She cracks a grin, probably at my outburst.
“Okay. I’ll be right over then.” She turns and heads over to the counter as I beeline for the booths in the back. All of them are empty, which I am also thankful for. We don’t normally sit back here, but I honestly can’t sit further up for this. I already feel like I’m dying from these nerves. If she thinks it’s weird, then… she probably already thinks I’m being weird anyway.
I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts (again) that I don’t notice her coming over until she’s right by the table. She puts the drinks down, and I thank her. Also silently thank her for not bringing up the table location.
We start chit-chatting as we’re waiting for the pizza. She said she ordered a large as she felt like the same. We chat about normal stuff. Weekend plans, podcasts, TV shows. It certainly feels like this pizza is taking a long time to arrive, and I still worry that the way my heart is racing is audible over to where she’s sitting.
“So, what’s up?” she suddenly asks just as I’m taking a drink, and I choke on it. I cough a while before I look up at her again. There’s something in the way she said it.
“Pardon?” I say weakly, trying not to break into another coughing fit. She looks concerned, but that turns into a stern look as she keeps talking.
“Look, I’m not totally oblivious. You’ve been acting weird for weeks, and this week even more so.” Oh no. “I decided to give you time to tell me on your own, but it’s getting a bit silly, you know?” Oh no. I can’t stop myself from shrinking in my seat a little. “… you’re not acting normal, Cecilie. So, what’s up?”
“I… I…” I do my best to not freak out. How much has she figured out? I knew she had to be aware of me being weird, but to be put on the spot like this has really thrown me off. Her strict expression has softened a bit, maybe to try to help me calm down? She doesn’t seem that impatient any longer at least, but what do I do? I had hoped…
“I-I remembered what I was going to t-tell you…” I manage to get out. That’s broad enough that it’s technically not a lie. I didn’t specify when I remembered it.
“Okay?” Her tone of voice clearly communicates that she wants me to just say it. I swallow.
“I-I’ll tell y-you once the p-pizza is h-here…” I really don’t want to be interrupted during this. She lets out an exasperated sigh, then softens again.
“Fine, but I’ll hold you to that. You better not forget again.” I’m not sure it’s what she intended, but to me that sounds like an ultimatum. Please let the food arrive soon!
It’s a couple of painful minutes before they arrive with the food, while I refuse to meet her gaze. There is absolutely no going back now.
I look up as the waiter walks away, and she’s watching me. Has she been this whole time? For once she seems a lot bigger than me.
“O-okay… what I-I wanted to t-tell you… w-want to tell y-you…” I am so very aware of how much attention she’s paying to me right now. “I… um… I…” Damn it, why is this so hard to get out!
“Linda!” No, too loud, quiet down. “I a-am… I-I mean… I h-have… fallen in love with you!” It all blurts out at once. Probably too loud again. “Will you… go out… with me…” My voice grows quieter with every word at the end there, and I’m not even sure she heard that last part.
She looks surprised, then her expression turns to realisation. She starts giggling, and I can feel my heart sinking. I stare down at the pizza while she laughs softly.
“Oh, is that what’s going on? Haha, wow. It’s all starting to make sense now. Why you were…” She pauses for a moment before she asks: “With me? Are you sure?”
I am silent for a few moments before I manage to squeak out a yes. I’m not sure how hurt I sound, but she suddenly begins to sound a bit panicked.
“Ah, no! I didn’t mean it like that!” Even when looking down I can tell she’s fidgeting, but I’m still too scared to look up. “I meant. I mean. Ah, hell. Cecilie, please. I’m sorry, I wasn’t laughing at… I was just… relieved? I guess? Fuck, I’m not saying this well…”
Relieved? At that I look up, and see that she’s clearly struggling. I don’t know how much of a mess I look like now. Am I crying? I can’t tell. Only she can.
“Relieved?” I croak, not at all sure what she means.
“Yeah!” She sounds almost grateful to have something to latch on to. “I was getting worried, you know?” She is talking pretty fast. “I thought something was wrong with you, or that I had done something, or, or that someone had died, but then it turns out it’s just-” She claps her hands over her mouth and I can hear a muffled curse. I blink a few times, and I think… is she starting to blush too?
“No, I mean…” she trails off, and it’s my turn to start giggling. I can’t stop myself. It seems to have all gone a bit absurd. I want to lay my head down on the table, but the pizza is in the way.
Linda ruffles her wonderful hair a bit. I guess she’s still processing this. I’m feeling better, though. And she hasn’t turned me down. Yet.
“I claim I’m not oblivious, yet somehow this possibility didn’t occur to me. Even though it’s so obvious in hindsight. I should have…” She sighs, then smiles at me. My heart is beating so incredibly fast. Hearts can’t actually explode, right?
“Well, I guess that doesn’t matter. I’m just glad I know now.” She leans forward, rests her elbows on the table, and looks me right in the eyes while smiling. Maybe this is how I die.
“Sure, I’ll go out with you.”
[Bonus: Friendly Worries]