Bovine Game

A’del has recently learned about a curious human pastime: Cow tipping.

He doesn’t really understand the point of it. A cow is basically just a block of meat that grew legs, and some of them contain cream too. They’re actually quite tasty… wait, where was he going with this?

Oh right! Humans are clearly quite simple-minded if they find entertainment in watching blocks of beef fall over. Perhaps it’s more the act? That because it would take some effort for the scrawny humans to topple an overgrown slab of juicy, delicious… he’s getting distracted again, and shakes his head as if to clear it.

It sounds like a game for fools, yet… A’del still wants to try it. His hunger may be great, but so is his curiosity. The only problem is: How does a dragon sneak up on a cow?

Cows are not clever animals, but they know when they have to run. And while they are not very fast, he does know that for cow tipping to work as intended, the cow has to be standing still.

Adding to that problem is that cows come in herds. Even if he could manage to avoid detection by one or two cows, if so much as one of the meat-blocks spot him and start running, the rest do the same on instinct.

A’del is also a quite large dragon. He is proud of having lived for nearly a millennium, and his gleaming, powerful form is an awe-inspiring sight, but he realises it is working against him in this particular scenario.

It’s not like he really has anything to lose by trying, though. There are several herds not far from here, so he might as well just pick one and go for it.

He lifts off, and sails through the air towards the outlying farms in this area. He spots a herd of cows that seem like good practice, and lands far enough away so as to not immediately startle them. While blending in to the environment as much as he can, he starts cautiously approaching the cows. He hasn’t taken into consideration that the ground is still going to tremble with the impact of his steps, so it doesn’t take long before the cows notice and look up.

Even the camouflage isn’t enough to stop the stupid meat containers from noticing something is there, and they all start running away as fast as cows can. Well, so much for… watching the delicious beasts flee from him triggers something in A’del, and the next thing he knows there’s the taste of cow in his mouth. It’s a fulfilling meal, but not helpful to his current cause.

He flies off to find a different herd, since it will probably be a while before these ones calm down. This time he has the idea to fly over to them while camouflaged, since he won’t disturb the ground that way. However the gusts of wind created by his wings are not only easily felt, but they also carry his scent. Before he knows it, he can again taste cow.

The frustration is starting to get to him as he swallows. Dragons never have to sneak up on anyone! So of course they have no practice with it! It’s only natural! The burst of flame he belches out in his annoyance roasts a flock of birds that were trying to get away. Maybe if he ate every cow except one… no, he’d never get the last one to calm down.

While mulling this over he remembers that he can use magic! He should have thought of that to begin with, but dragons really never practice how to sneak up on someone. So why would he think to use magic for that purpose?

On the next herd he enchants himself to make his steps light enough to not cause trembling. Once close enough he casts a spell on one of the cows so it becomes oblivious to the world around it. The others sense that something is happening and run away, but the final one doesn’t notice and just keeps grazing peacefully. With his superior willpower he manages to ignore the fleeing cows, and just walks up to the pacified one.

So how should he do this? Simple is best, probably. Using the not-sharp side of one of his claws, he prods the cow gently on the side. It topples over like the slab of beef that it is, and hits the ground with a dull thud.

He watches it in silence for a moment, then starts chuckling. This gradually grows into a rumbling laughter. He gets it now!

~Wulf

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Posted on April 20, 2017, in Fiction, Storytime and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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