[Sequel to First Date]
Even after three weeks it still feels a little weird to have Cecilie over. Maybe three weeks isn’t that long of a time for a relationship.
Ever since I took her hand at the museum, things have shifted. We have been doing more couple stuff. It’s closing in on a month since I agreed to go out with her, so I think that’s normal. But it’s still going a little faster than I expected. Even with being the more experienced one, this all feels pretty new and unknown.
Currently I’m resting against her side, on my couch. Watching a movie. Because I’m a nerd, I decided to go for one of the Marvel movies. I haven’t seen the new Doctor Strange yet, so I figured why not. It’s okay so far.
I had considered other options, but in the end went for something fairly neutral. A horror movie was an option, but I’m not entirely sure about the idea of potentially clinging very tightly to each other. Similarly something romantic might have created an atmosphere I am still not sure I’m ready for.
So it was either this, or a comedy. Moana recently came out on disc, I believe. But I think this is fine.
She leans forward to grab more crisps. A pretty big action scene just started, and I’m trying to ignore how loudly my heart is beating. Leaning against her I can feel how she’s both soft and firm. Cecilie has noticeable muscle on her, and I’ve not been able to entirely shake the thought of her just… grabbing me. With mixed feelings on whether or not I actually want her to.
Sitting close while at uni, or holding hands while we’re outside… I’m fine with those. But when it’s just us two, either at my place or hers, things feel different. Like we’re isolated from the rest of the world. I become much more aware of her, and of the way my heart rate goes up.
I’ve been putting off thinking seriously about this.
Nerves aside, I wriggle in a little closer and rest my head against her shoulder. I’m certain she is also nervous. If I put my ear to her chest, I’ll probably hear her heart beating as fast as mine. I find some comfort in thinking that, even though my face warms up at the thought of actually placing my head there. I’m glad the lights are turned down.
I wonder what she is thinking right now…
Reaching for my glass, I take a sip from my drink. No alcohol tonight. If I got tipsy or drunk around her, I’m not sure what would happen.
I settle back down. The cape is loose now. I’m not very familiar with the comics, so I wasn’t aware the cape had a mind of its own. Or maybe that’s just a thing they added for the movie.
Thoughts regarding my… orientation have gotten a little more prominent. I have become comfortable with going out with her, but I am really not sure how to feel about anything more than that. Like kissing her, or touching her, or… stuff like that.
As if she’s reading my mind, she moves a little, and puts her arm around me. My heart speeds up a little. D-do I return the gesture? I can put my arm around her waist, but should I?
I feel reasonably sure that she has been thinking about more intimate stuff too. Just the way I catch her looking at me sometimes suggests as much. Have I given her similar looks? Again, it’s something I’ve been putting off thinking about seriously.
Swallowing gently, I decide to slide my arm around her. I feel her tense up for a moment, but she relaxes again right away. She is really warm. And feeling the side of her abdomen is…
I realise I’ve become completely distracted from the movie, so I look back at the screen. I think the final showdown has started. The action certainly seems quite grand and dramatic. Are things moving backwards? I might as well try to pay attention for this last part then. Cecilie is doing the same, I think.
Well, that was an interesting way to wrap things up. I’m not sure why that one guy was so determined to be a dick about it, though. I don’t feel like that was well explained, but I also missed part of the movie, so I might have missed the part where that was set up.
I need to stretch, so I gently extract myself from Cecilie and get up. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, that feels good.
“Hey, Linda…” I hear Cecilie say softly, so I put my arms down, and turn to look at her.
“Hm?” I reply, and see that she’s looking up at me.
“Ah… um…” she stammers. I can tell there’s something she really wants to say, just like… back then. “It’s nothing,” she ends up saying, and even in the low light I can tell she’s blushing.
“Oh really?” I say, trying to pretend my heart isn’t pounding. I head over to the switch and turn the lights up. Enough to see that she is definitely blushing when I turn back towards her.
She’s told me that she thinks I’m really cool and level-headed, but that absolutely isn’t true at all. I’m just somewhat decent at pretending. While she is like an open book. I can make some guesses at what she wants to say, so I take a breath.
“Come on now, I know there’s something on your mind,” I say. Maybe the same that’s on mine. “You’re not very good at hiding things,” I add with a smile. It is really cute when she tries, though.
“I-it’s just…” she becomes even redder and looks away. What do I do? Do I go sit down next to her again, or will that make it worse? To at least have something to do, I go to remove the disc from the player.
“Just what?” I ask as calmly as I can. As nervous as I feel about what she might say, I also think it’s probably best to just get it out of her right now.
“Just…” she says, as I look around for where I put the case. Ah, there. “Can… can we… k-kiss?” I nearly fumble putting the disc back in.
That was one of the top options for what I thought she was going to say, but I still feel a little shocked at actually hearing it.
“Um…” is all I say as I look over at her again. She is very red, but she is looking me in the eye. I know she is entirely sincere. Am I just as red?
“I…” Damn it, why am I so stumped for words? I had been idly wondering how and when this would come up. Worried a little whether she would just go for it at some point. Or whether I should. Yet now she has asked. Which is quite sweet, but also means I have to answer.
“It’s fine i-if you don’t want to!” she says when I’m taking so long to say anything. I have no idea what sort of expression I’m wearing right now. Is it really fine though?
“N-no, it’s not that…” I say, finally finding some words. “I have been thinking about it too… trying to sort out how I feel…” I confess. Maybe trying to talk it out will help.
Slowly and nervously I shuffle back towards the couch. She looks at me curiously, probably pondering how she should respond to that. I speak up again before she has a chance to.
“I’d like to talk it out a little. Is that okay?” Does my voice betray how nervous I am? I slowly sit down with a little bit of distance between us. I trust her to not do anything without my consent, but snuggling back up against her is not going to help me think clearly.
“Um, of course!” she says, and smiles kindly at me. I’m feeling more relieved at hearing that than I thought I would. She really is a very good girl. Friend. Girlfriend? We must be at that stage when we’re talking kissing, right? I smile back at her.
“I am… it’s just that…” I start, kinda making it up as I go. Might as well try to get this sorted before we go any further. “I haven’t exactly told you this fully, but I have never really thought about not being straight until that night you asked me out…” Where am I going with this? “Not because I was absolutely sure I was hetero, but because it had never occurred to me to question it. I wasn’t aware there were other possibilities.”
“Oh…” she says. I’m looking at her, and for once I can’t read her expression. She is still smiling, at least a little.
“It just wasn’t something that came up with me and my friends,” I say apologetically. I’m not sure if that is something I should be sorry about, but I do feel that way. “I don’t know how long you’ve known, but for me this is all still really new.” Is she getting disheartened? I think so, but I’m not sure. I’m sorting this out in my head as we’re going.
“These past weeks I’ve had a good time,” I say. “It’s been a little strange at times, but I’ve enjoyed myself.” I’m not sure how I’m saying this. What does it sound like to her? How is she interpreting what I’m saying? “I really like you, Cecilie.” A brief look of worry flashes across her face. Right… maybe she thinks I’m about to say ‘as a friend’. I need to speed this up.
“A-are you saying-” she starts, but I stop her.
“Please… let me finish. This is a lot to work through, and I…” I can feel my blush getting stronger again. “I haven’t really been doing my homework… I’ve put it off due to being nervous, or telling myself I wasn’t ready.” I’m absently scratching the couch as I talk. Probably babbling. Slowly arriving at a decision.
“But I don’t think that’s fair for either of us,” I tell her. Oh no, maybe that’s the worst way I could have put it, she really might be expecting the worst now. That I might be breaking up with her. “I want to give this an honest chance,” I blurt out as quickly as I can. I see her expression change immediately.
“Uh… what? What are you…” She sounds confused, but I can see she’s perking up as what I just said sinks in.
“I’m saying… I’m sorry I just worried you,” I respond, smiling as I feel a little lighter. “I didn’t mean to, but I really needed to walk myself through this… by talking to you…” I laugh nervously.
“So…?” she says, and I know what she means. Here come the nerves again, but I’ve made up my mind now.
“So… I’m okay with… y-you k-k-kissing me,” I say, stuttering far worse than I had hoped.
“Are you sure?” she asks, sounding a little worried. Yeah, there’s no way she isn’t picking up on how nervous I am. I take a deep breath, and scoot a little closer.
“I’m sure,” I reply. She is probably quite nervous herself, come to think of it. I had almost forgotten that. “So please, kiss me,” I say, and close my eyes before I lean in slightly. I really need her to be the one who does this. I can’t do it myself.
Even with my eyes closed, I can tell she doesn’t move for several moments. Working up her nerve? Suddenly panicking? How much did it take for her to manage to ask me in the first place?
When I can feel her starting to move in, I have to keep myself from pulling back. I feel close to panicking. It’s coming. Am I really ready f-
Her lips press against mine, stopping that train of thought. They’re really soft.
Wow, this is such a clumsy kiss. I suddenly realise this is her first. It’s my first with a girl, but it’s her first ever. I imagine I wasn’t much better for my first. She tastes quite pleasant, though, and I can feel my nervousness dissipating.
The kiss is over almost as quickly as it started. I can’t stop myself from giggling slightly as she pulls away. My heart is still beating so fast, but I feel a lot better.
“You’re not very good at this,” I say teasingly, and she goes bright red. Maybe that was too mean, as she looks quite worried.
“I-I’m sorry, I’ve never done this before…” she says, sounding ashamed. Yeah, I was definitely too mean.
“N-no, I’m sorry,” I say, quickly trying to reassure her. “I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I was just trying to lighten the mood…” I scoot a little closer again, and place my hand on top of hers. She is so very warm. Oh no, have I made her cry again? Ugh, I am the worst.
“I’m really sorry, Cecilie!” I say, maybe a little too loud. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just trying to say that we should practice more.”
Her eyes meet mine again, and I think they look a little damp. Seriously learn to think before you speak, Linda. This time I kiss her, scooting all the way over so our bodies touch. She really tastes quite pleasant. Is it her lip-balm, or just her naturally, or both?
After this kiss I embrace her waist again, and decide to test my earlier thought. Placing my ear against her chest, I find out her heart is indeed beating really fast.
“I am so very sorry for all the worry I just caused you,” I tell her. “I don’t seem to be very good at talking or thinking…” I can feel her returning my embrace.
“I forgive you,” she says after a couple of moments. We settle into a comfy silence, while I try to not think too hard about how I’m resting my head on her boobs. Again I didn’t really think that through before I decided to do it.
“Hey… can we practice some more?” she asks after a while, causing me to giggle again. How is she so pure?
“Sure,” I say, and sit back up a little, tilting my head towards hers. Letting her kiss me again. So soft.
I think she might be getting a little better already. I was so nervous before, but now I’m okay with practising as much as she wants tonight. She’s squeezing me so tight I don’t think I’d be able to get away anyway.